Guide To Tinder (Pt 1)


So I have been using Tinder for a good few months now, probably more than I care to admit. I haven’t met up with anyone on there, if I’m being honest I haven’t had more than three cringeworthy exchange of messages but I always find myself clicking back on the flaming app (pun intended!)

tinder 1

Now just to clarify I am not desperate, maybe slightly lonely at times but definitely not desperate. But why are people getting such a buzz out of literally flicking boys in and out of our lives? And when we do ‘swipe right’ and get that satisfactory bouncing match do we not say anything to each other? Is it because we just like the narcissistic value that someone fancies us from looking at five of our best pictures, or has social media ruined our relationship boundaries FORVEVER?

The latter is a question our generation Y will be battling for the rest of time, but I do feel like the old Adam and Eve relationship is becoming oh so controlled. Soon there will be a date rating app, where you can check your date like a Tripadvisor review… Steve, 24. Turned up late, and didn’t pay for the meal. Had a piece of basil in between his teeth for the entire date. Wore a nice shirt but other than that was all pretty dull. 2/5.

So to stop us all turning into dating robots, and keeping some spontaneity and spark in romance I have written five key points to adhere to when playing the fickle Tinder game.

  1. Don’t be vain. If Marc, 26, has five pictures of his abs and not much else think to yourself is this guy going to look well meeting my grandparents? You at least need one headshot!
  2. If he has mutual friends SWIPE LEFT IMMEDIATELY! Please, you don’t need people knowing you are actually using Tinder seriously, and if you have mutual friends why do you not know him already. He must be weird.
  3. Does he have a puke inducing bio? ‘Live life to the fullest, nothing gets me down’. Ya di ya di ya, I do need some spiritual healing and optimism in my life but Danny, 25 you are just too much.
  4. Five pictures of his cock, do I need to say more? Swipe left avoiding trying to touch ‘it’.
  5. Selfie photo, group photo, landscape photo. If the guy isn’t confident enough to put himself on the first picture you don’t need that insecurity in your life. Also when they do use a group photo it’s guaranteed to be the ugly one so don’t even bother getting to the second photo!

So this was a guide to the initial stages of Tinder… maybe next I will divulge in some of the actual conversations I have had. Let’s just say it includes a personalised Fresh Prince Of Bel Air rap and one too many… ASL?


Vic xo



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